The Sneaky Reason You’re Still Feeling Stuck

July 19, 2022

Apple Podcast | Spotify If you feel stuck despite your best efforts, you might be surprised that something buried deep within your subconscious might be the thing holding you back!  Learn about this sneaky subconscious mechanism in today’s SoulByte episode of The GlowJo Podcast. Your subconscious just wants to keep you safe, but sometimes it […]

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Apple Podcast | Spotify

If you feel stuck despite your best efforts, you might be surprised that something buried deep within your subconscious might be the thing holding you back! 

Learn about this sneaky subconscious mechanism in today’s SoulByte episode of The GlowJo Podcast.

Your subconscious just wants to keep you safe, but sometimes it can also stop you from achieving your goals because it does its “job” in a less than ideal way. This can happen to anyone, so listen in and share this episode with a friend!

In the episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why you’re still stuck even though you’re trying to make positive change in your life
  • How being stuck can actually benefit you…just not in the way you think 😉
  • Questions to help you get curious and determine if this mechanism is at play in your life, so you can outsmart it and keep moving forward and living your best life. 


Let’s get to know each other:

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(Note: This transcript is auto-generated and may contain spelling and grammar errors. I hope it still proves to be useful in your listening experience!)

[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to this week’s episode of the glow Joe podcast. I’m your host Leanne Colau. Thank you for joining me this week is going to be super short and sweet. This soul bite is giving you some food for thought. And so if you’re new to the glow, Joe, a soul bite is a solo episode with me where I share personal stories and experiences and things that I’m learning and working through, um, with the hopes of inspiring and helping them.

If you’re new to the glow, Joe, and you haven’t already signed up for the newsletter head over to www.theglowjoe.com. That’s the G L O w J o.com and sign up for the newsletter where I will be in touch about episodes and other fun, exciting things going on at the glow, Joe. All right now for today’s episode.

Today we are talking about the sneaky thing that [00:01:00] might be keeping you from getting what you want, who doesn’t want to know this. Now I’m not a mind reader. I don’t have a crystal ball. This will require some exploration and curiosity on your part. 

This is a concept that I’m really excited to share with you.

And so I have studied NLP, which is neuro-linguistic programming, and I’ve also studied hypnotherapy. So I’m a clinical hypnotherapist. 

Something that is talked about in the practice is a concept called secondary gains. Now this is actually more than a concept. This is something that is used in psychiatry and it exists. This is a real thing that is used in our medical systems, as well as in alternative therapies, such as hypnotherapy.

And so what is a secondary game? 

 A secondary gain is anything positive or anything that could be considered as a benefit that comes from something [00:02:00] that maybe isn’t so great. 

This could be physical symptoms, emotional, mental, um, being stuck in the same situations and things just not ever seeming to change.

I think we all know someone or know someone who knows someone who has that friend who always has these horrible things happening to them. Now that could be for many, many reasons. I’m not gonna, I can’t analyze the exact scenarios, but often times when somebody is trying, if you’re really making an effort to change something in your life, but it is just not changing 

or you keep experiencing the same thing over and over again, secondary gains could be at play. 

Oftentimes, these are unconscious. So we don’t consciously go around being like, well, this bad thing happened. And so I’m going to, uh, you know, I’m going to play up all of this other stuff.

Maybe you do, maybe some people might, but I think in most cases, [00:03:00] secondary gains is something that is very subconscious, that we are unaware of, but it’s really powerful and it’s actually meeting our needs in some way. And it’s keeping. Stuck. And so the goal of me sharing this is to plant the seeds for you to get curious, and for you to start to look at those areas of your life, where something isn’t changing and what are you getting from that thing not changing, or what are you getting from the situation that you’re in or the relationship that you’re.

You know, a lot of times let’s say with chronic illness and I’ve experienced a lot of auto-immune issues throughout my life. And. Oftentimes, there are secondary gains, whether it’s getting more attention or feeling more loved or you’re taking care of or people understand, you know, if you can’t go out to that event for [00:04:00] someone who’s a people, pleaser, recovering people, pleaser like me having a really great excuse, not to go to something that is a secondary gain.

And so starting to get curious, starting to explore this, these are usually our blind spots, not always, but, um, I think we have blind spots in other ways as well, but this is usually under the radar and this takes a lot of honestly.

You know, secondary gains can show up in your business. Let’s say you are wanting to build a business and put yourself out there, but you never quite get around to doing it. 

This was me for years and I’ve always worked behind the scenes, but I’ve wanted to create something of my own. And the glow Joe podcast has been the first steps in that, in what I’m building.

But for years, I was like, oh, I’m too busy. I’m too busy with clients staff. And I’m too busy with traveling and I’m too busy with all of these things that were actually good. Um, I was using them as an excuse for not [00:05:00] starting my, what I’ve really wanted to do. And then the other thing there was that I was exhausted.

I was so exhausted from everything. How am I going to have time to focus on this new thing. 

Now you might be like that doesn’t make sense, Leanne. But here’s the thing by me making that excuse, the secondary gain that I was getting was to remain safe. I was keeping myself safe because putting yourself out there is vulnerable.

What if people hate it? What if I get made fun of what if they don’t like me? What if it totally bombs? What if it tanks? What if I’m a public failure and it’s visible and everybody sees that I try to do this thing and it was a total flop. And so this is where it can be sneaky. They can appear to be good.

It doesn’t need to be health-related that’s for sure. It can be, there can be many, many other. Areas where secondary gains come into play. And so that’s a personal example of how I had [00:06:00] the secondary gain of keeping myself safe and protected by staying busy behind the scenes and living this really fun life, even though it wasn’t fully aligned.

Um, but I, that was my excuse. I was too busy to do the things that really mattered with me or matter to me, but the. Gist of it is, is that I was afraid to do those things because of all the things I just shared. 

So I had these other things going on in my life that were really easy, convenient excuses for me not to do what I wanted to do now.

Sometimes we don’t even see the things as excuses. That’s how tricky it could be. And so I look forward to hearing from you on. Did this resonate with you? Is this giving you some are Hawes? If you want to talk about this, reach out to me on Instagram at Leanne colossal or at the glow, Joe, I’ll make sure to link to that in the show notes.

I’d love to hear, because this is definitely peeling back the [00:07:00] layers and getting curious, and be honest with yourself. It can be scary, but honestly, When you’re honest with yourself, you’re just getting to know yourself more and then you can realign and figure out like, oh yeah.

Why am I doing that? Is that really serving me? Or is that really, you know, is it holding me back from doing what I want to do? And then you can start to make shifts and adjustments from there. All right. Thank you for joining me. 

If you have any requests for an episode, if you’d like me to talk about something or interview someone, reach out to me@helloattheglowjoe.com. I’ll make sure to link to that in the show notes as well, but it’s hello@theglowjo.com.

All right, have a good one. I’ll see you here next week.

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